Trusting God's heart

::: God broke me to the point of recognizing my own nothingness – where I CRYED OUT “God, I’ll go anywhere for you!”

::: Then he broke my heart for the Muslims and the Hindus in the 10/40 window to know Jesus – and I prayed with fervor that He would prepare me to go to Mumbai this summer. 

::: Then he closed the door… and broke my heart again. Only, now, it’s hardest to understand why.

I find myself better understanding Charles Spurgeon as he said, "When we cannot trace God's hand, we must trust God's heart."  That is all I can do.

::: Wonderful Resources :::

I am exceedingly thankful for Joshua Harris' ministry at Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, MD.  Their Resource Library shares a vast ocean of wisdom for free.  Browse sermons by Topic, Date, Scripture, Speaker, Series, and Meeting/Context.  Their archives include sermons from over 70 pastors, professors, and theologians including: Al Mohler, C.J. Mahaney, Donald Whitney, Jerry Bridges, Joshua Harris, Mark Dever, Thabiti Anyabwile, and Wayne Grudem.  It's a great resource to check-out!

A Global Perspective on Persecution

As I surfed The Voice of the Martyers Website I was nauseated by the satanic violence against the Gospel and the brutality of persecution against Christians.  My heart ached as I looked through their map explaining Restricted Nations. At the very least, let us open our eyes to the injustice and persection that our brothers and sisters and enduring by faith.

• Afghanistan is 97.89% Muslim, 0.02% Christian, and "Anyone who acknowledges faith in Christ experiences intense persecution, including death. Persecution normally comes from family members and neighbors, while police and government officials turn a blind eye."
• In Nepal "An extremist group called the Nepal Defense Army... have the stated goal of reestablishing Nepal as a Hindu kingdom by targeting Christians and other non-Hindus."  Their nation is 74.82% Hindu, 16% Buddhist, and 1.89% Christian.
• Uzbekistan is 83.5% Muslim and 1.28% Christian, "This past year, officials cracked down on Christians throughout Uzbekistan. In southeast Uzbekistan, police have campaigned to prevent children from attending worship services. The campaign, which uses the state-controlled mass media, attacks schools and parents who allow children to attend religious 'sects.'"
• Through-out Kuwait, "Only Muslims may become citizens. Foreign Christians have the freedom to live and work in Kuwait, but they must worship in a physical location within their own Christian community. Evangelism to Kuwaitis is forbidden. Kuwaitis who convert to Christianity publicly face harassment and arrest. The government discourages Christianity by providing financial incentives for Muslims."  Kuwait is 87.43% Muslim and 8.17% Christian.
• "Saudi Arabia is the second most repressive nation in the world for Christians. Converts from Islam to Christianity are rare in this nation. Barriers to spreading the gospel are intense. Leaving Islam is punishable by death. Anyone who does mission work or converts a Muslim faces jail, expulsion, lashing, torture or execution. Public non-Muslim worship, even for foreign Christians, is prohibited. Christians are regularly imprisoned or deported, and Christian churches are banned. Saudi Arabia is a main source of funding for madrassas (Islamic religious schools) worldwide, where extremism can breed."
• In Somalia, "Just one percent of Somalis are Christians — most are secret believers. It is difficult to know the exact number of underground churches. Islamic radicals, who have vowed to wipe out all Somali Christians, have murdered many. Persecution has intensified in the past 15 years. Persecutors are family members, clan members, Islamist extremists and local administrators. Distribution of the Somali Bible is possible only in refugee camps and outside the country."

Let us pray for our brothers and sisters in these dark nations!  Oh, that we wouldn't forget them in the comfort and ease of our lives here!

The Lie "But I'm not called"

Four months ago, the thought of the 10/40 window filled me with thankfulness for those willing to go, as well as a silent fear of ever being forced or dragged there myself.   I was most comfortable assuming that I was not called to missions.  Brothers and sisters passionate about taking the Good News to the unreached were frightening and awe-inspiring in light of my own fears and hesitations.  I believed that God could use me much more fruitfully and joyfully in America, where it's safe, comfortable, and familiar.

But only a selfish and idolatrous heart could be convinced that it's best to put limits and conditions on serving the Lord.  As a friend reminded me yesterday, Jesus made it explicitly clear to his disciples that the Gospel must be taken to all the nations - not just where we are comfortable taking it.  "And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come"  (Matthew 24:14). 

Keith Green, from The Traveling Team, writes that the most commonly heard excuse for not going into full-time Christian service in a foreign country is: "But I'm not called."  Green continues: 

You don't know how many people I've met who have said to me, I agree that more people need to go to the mission field, but I've never heard God tell me to go." Well, the truth is that God has already told you to go in His Word. In fact, He commands you to "Go ye into all the world, and preach the Gospel to every creature." (Mark 16:15) That's right - YOU ARE CALLED! In fact, if you don't go, you need a specific calling from God to stay home. Has God definitely told you not to "go" somewhere outside your country to preach the Gospel? If He hasn't, then you'd better start praying WHERE to go, instead of if you should go-for again, you're already called.

Even if I don't feel like going to the mission field, I am commanded to go!  I am called to go!  Comfort and ease are not valid arguments against God's commands in Scripture.  In Kevin DeYoung's book Just Do Something he expands upon "the will of God" from Scripture, and his writing is most clarifying in such a discussion.  On the first side is God's will of decree.  DeYoung writes, "This refers to what God has ordained.  Everything that comes to pass is according to God's sovereign decree.  And all that He decrees will ultimately come to pass.  God's will of decree cannot be thwarted.  It is immutable and fixed."  God's will of decree is foundation to our faith.  God has ordained that Jesus Christ will return again, and on that day every knee will bow and tongue confess that He is God.  If God's will of decree can be thwarted - than who knows if Jesus will come back again?!  And then we are left to walking by fear instead of by faith!  I love that God's will of decree is immutable and fixed!

DeYoung continues, the other side of the coin is God's will of desire.  "This refers to what God has commanded - what He desires from His creatures.  If the will of decree is how things are, the will of desire is how things ought to be."  This is where Mark 16:15 fits in, "Go ye into all the world, and preach the Gospel to every creature."  God has commanded that His children go and preach the Gospel through-out the world.  He desires the good news of Jesus Christ to go forth!  I don't have to guess what God's desire is for me in this case, because God made it crystal clear in His Word.

However, most of the time when we are making such decisions, we are really looking for God's will of direction.  What does God want me to do with my life?  When and where should I go?  Who will I go with?  Those are the questions we ask when we are seeking God's will of direction?  We want to know His individual, specific plan for the who, what, when, and how of our lives.  However, DeYoung questions, "Does God have a secret will of direction that He expects us to figure out before we do anything?  And the answer is no... He does not burden us with the task of divining His will of direction for our lives ahead of time."  These questions are not meant to be our focus.  We easily deceive and confuse ourselves when we lose sight of God's will of decree and desire in search of His will of direction for our lives.

I love DeYoung's conclusion:

Trusting is God's will of decree is good.  Following His will of desire is obedient.  Waiting for God's will of direction is a mess... The better way is the biblical way: Seek first the kingdom of God, and then trust that He will take care of our needs, even before we know what they are and where we're going.

What a freeing lens to view missions through!  I don't need to lose sleep over choosing the "right" or "wrong" plan for my life and ministry.  I must "Seek first the kingdom of God" through trusting in God's sovereignty and obediently following His commands - "Go ye into all the world, and preach the Gospel to every creature," "Go and make disciples of all nations," "Follow me; and allow the dead to bury their own dead," "If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake and the Gospel's shall save it."  It's so clear when we surrender our plans to God!  Wisely following his will of desire is our direction!! 

It's wonderful news that in another four short months I'm able to go on a Summer Project as part of my job!  I have an opportunity to live-out the transformation that God worked in my heart towards missions.  I couldn't be more excited and humbled to be going on the Gateway Summer Project.  The 10/40 window - my previous "hell" has now called and captured my heart to joyfully take the Gospel there.  What a privilege to live in obedience to God, the author and perfecter of my faith!

To read Keith Green's full article, The Most Commonly Heard Excuses, click here.
For more on The Traveling Team, click here.

Wisdom from D.A. Carson

This past weekend Melissa and I found ourselves on a road-trip to Chicago in search of wisdom as we consider attending seminary in the near future.  The purpose, although not the highlight, was to explore Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in Deerfield, IL.  As we mingled with current and prospective students, heard from the admissions office, toured the campus, attended a class, ate deep dish pizza with the professors, and scoured the bookstore we grew in understanding of self and seminary.  Trinity is an academically rigorous and theologically diverse seminary.  With it's Evangelical Free background, there is freedom for professors and students to agree to disagree.  It is also one of the most academically demanding seminaries in the country, with a nationally recognized masters in Mental Health Counseling.  This masters program was my point of interest in the seminary.

Perhaps the most memorable and insightful experience was when Melissa and I shared in the excitement and the privilege of sitting down with New Testament scholar, D.A. Carson.  We left the Admissions Office presentation to seek input from Dr. Carson, a professor whom we have already learned to greatly respect through his preaching and writing.  The question that we posed to Dr. Carson aimed at the core of our seminary selection process.  Why would Dr. Carson, a Reformed New Testament scholar, president of The Gospel Coalition, choose to teach at Trinity, an Evangelical Free and theologically diverse seminary?  And how should two young women, who align with Carson's theological stance, make an informed decision about attending such a seminary?

Dr. Carson was wise to remind us that every church, seminary, and ministry has its imperfections.  There are aspects of Trinity that Dr. Carson does not fully agree with, yet he continues to stand by his decision to teach at Trinity.  It's Evangelical Free background has guarded him, as well as others, from crudely characterizing other theologies.  At Trinity, you'll think twice before stereotyping or ridiculing a Lutheran, Armenian, etc because you can be sure there is one just down the hall.  What a blessing for humility and unity!  Furthermore, Dr. Carson noted that students at Trinity tend to respond to the theologically diverse teachings in one of two ways.  Some students, upon observing that Professor A and Professor B can not agree on a particular topic, decide that they can not possibly reach their own conclusion on the matter, and give-up all together.  Other students will obverse that Professor A and Professor B do not agree, be challenged in their faith, fight to discover truth, and be better off for having gone through the challenge.  Students must be willing to face these questions and challenges in order to thrive at Trinity.

However, Dr. Carson encouraged me that if I have confidence that reformed theology most glorifies God (as he similarly does), it is not prideful to seek a seminary which teaches from that specific and unified theological stance as long as I have been exposed to other teachings.  Westminster and other reformed seminaries might be best for me, and I need not be afraid of that.  Trinity is not the right fit for everyone, and Dr. Carson wisely warned me not to be a 'loving post-modern lass who is afraid to tell anyone they are wrong'.  Ouch.

I'm excited to continue to gain wisdom from Dr. Carson as I read The Cross and Christian Ministry, a book that Melissa and I picked-up from Trinity's bookstore.

It couldn't have been a better weekend.

"People do not drift toward Holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; we drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; we drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated." - D.A. Carson

So, Do You Gossip?

Gossip 
-noun
Idle talk or rumor, esp. about the personal or private affairs of others: the endless gossip about Hollywood stars.
-verb
To talk idly, esp. about the affairs of others; go about tattling

Is it Gossip if I tell my roommate a story about our mutual friend?

A story about an unknown or irrelevant friend?

'News' about a celebrity?

What if the story is about something embarrassing my friend did, and we laugh about it?

Perhaps the story is about sinful decisions a girl made, and we pridefully criticize and condemn her?

Consider the story is about my friend hurting me, and my roommate is now 'on my side'?

Or if the story is about someone's conflict, and she counsels me in how to handle it?

What if it's just a fun story, and you can't wait to tell her?

When does talk become Gossip and Gossip become talk?

Our words hold great power and weight.  They have the ability to build-up as well as the strength to tear-down.  In Paul's letter to the Ephesians he commands, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."  We must choose our words wisely to prevent destructive and deadening talk from coming out of our mouths.  Among other things, this includes slander and gossip.  Furthermore, we are commanded to talk only in a manner that encourages, edifies, and blesses those who hear.  Our words have weight because they effect those who hear them - and we will be held accountable for the effects of our words on others.

Perhaps I need to be much more cautious when I talk about the lives and affairs of others.  However, a conviction is never meant to be shallow, for our sin is never shallow but deep within our hearts.  Therefore, I must confess that I gossip not because I cannot contain my mouth, but because my heart is sinful and utterly depraved.  "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks" (Matthew 12:34).  It is not my mouth I must repent of, but the sin in my heart that leads to gossip.

On the topic of 'Gossip' John Piper writes:

The New Testament warns against gossiping. The Greek word translated “gossip” means whisper or whisperer. In other words, the focus is not on the falsehood of the word but on the fact that it needs to be surreptitious. It is not open and candid and forthright. It has darkness about it. It does not operate in the light of love. It is not aiming at healing. It strokes the ego’s desire to be seen as right without playing by the rules of love.  "For I fear that perhaps when I come I may find...that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder" (2 Corinthians 12:20). 

It is the darkness in our hearts that leads to the outpouring of Gossip from our mouths.  This is a deep rooted issue with immediate and far reaching effects.

Is this a sin that we don't take seriously enough?

Childlike Faith

Junior year I took a religion class called "Jesus and the Gospels" which was a study of the "contradictions" and similarities of Matthew, Mark, Luke, John.  Our professor lectured about history, scholarly research, and doubt... a painful drone of information taken from a worldview opposed to the Godly inspiration of the Scriptures.  As I would sit through class I would doodle "I just want to love Jesus!" in the margins of my notes.  Partially I was only joking, but another part of my heart and soul was pleading for the beauty of childlike faith in Jesus.  In Matthew 10:15 Jesus says, "Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”  

Sept 2006, my second month walking with Jesus, I attended Greek LIFE for the first time.  I wrote in my notes that night:

I felt an over-whelming power of love for God through the prayers and words at Greek LIFE... I felt on fire with everyone's glowing love for God.  I am alive with anticipation of our future meetings, Bible studies, and out-reaches.  Thank you Lord for helping me find such an amazing group of individuals and for bringing us all together tonight to celebrate our love for you.  Your love has pierced my heart, and I pray that you may continue to fill me with faith and love.  Amen.

October 2006, my third month walking with Jesus, I attended REVERB (now called Cru) for the first time.  Reflecting on that night I wrote:

I went to REVERB last night with Allie, Kelly, and Shannon for the first time, it was AMAZING :)  A student spoke about finding God during Fall Retreat after a period of confusion and personal anguish.  He cried over his need to find God in his life, and it made me want to cry thinking about how much Stephanie, and now Allie, have guided and inspired me to find God in my life.  If they hadn't reached out to me I might now have found Christianity at this time in my life.  That idea, that the words and encouragement of these two women have made such an amazing difference in my life, inspires me to grow in my faith and share it with others.  By the time REVERB ended I felt overwhelmed with passion and excitement.  I could feel the love of God, and the joy that His love has brought every person in that room with me.  It reminded me all over again how blessed I am to be in a growing relationship with God.

November 2006, my forth month walking with Jesus, reflecting on Fuzzie Fellowship (my sorority Bible study) I wrote:

It's really hard for me to listen to these girl's uncertainties and questions and not know how to respond.  I can feel my faith burning inside of me but I feel dumbfounded and inadequate to explain God's glory.... It's all making me think two different things.  First, that I need to have faith, and remember to put my trust in God.  I feel like I'm trying too hard to do things on my own, and I can't do it alone.  I can't do it without trusting God to guide me.  But, on the other hand, it's making me feel like I'm blind in my faith because I don't question like these girls do... I don't know if I need to ask more questions.  If I can't answer someone else's questions then I obviously have some of my own, whether I realize it or not.  Lord, please give me strength and show me the ways to find these questions and answers.

As I've continued to walk with Jesus I've sought out many of these questions and answers.  My mini library is clear proof that I refuse to have blind faith.  But have I fled from the childlike faith that Jesus calls us to?  As David Powlison says, "Human beings instinctively oscillate between two sinful extremes."  Although I tend to 'stick' on the objective, theological side I do sometimes swing towards that subjective, feelings based (blind; "I just want to love Jesus!") side of faith.  Children are certainly not snoody scholars, but they are also not blind.  They are inquisitive, yet trusting, as they joyfully explore within the protection and guidance of their parents.  The Holy Spirit and the Word of God has set me free to live in this third way.  This third, childlike way neither denies feelings nor stands on them alone.  It is the path of walking with Jesus, knowing Him more intimately, and trusting Him more deeply, all by faith.

A Conceptual Framework

There are significant parallels between counseling, discipling, and parenting.  Although my job primarily calls me to disciple younger women I find that I daily practice counseling and I occasionally wonder if I've (perhaps wrongly?) wandering into the land of parenting as well.  As I consider, Lord willing, the ministry of Christian counseling for my future I have sought a greater understanding of counseling.  Parenting will come with time, again, if the Lord wills, but within this topic there is no rush. 

As I have read and discussed the topic of counseling I have gleaned a great depth of knowledge from David Powlison.  In Powlison's book Seeing With New Eyes he elaborates upon the conceptual - a view of people and problems - in the first book of his series addressing Biblical counseling.  Powlison writes:

Concepts are the first and defining ingredient in any system of counseling.  Every theory defines its version of human nature and the dynamics of human motivation.  Every theory defines or assumes an ideal of human functioning by which problems and named and solutions prescribed: right and wrong, value and stigma, true and false, good and bad, sound and defective, healthy and pathological, solution and problem.

One cannot begin the process of counseling without first narrating through and defining their understanding of mankind.  As Powlison notes, "part of knowing any person well is learning what he or she typically lives for - the pattern of desires."  A great deal of counseling and discipling begins with understanding their desires!  "But naming what you want is the easy part.  The harder part is this: how should you now interpret what you've identified?"  Being able so ask questions, listen, and understand a person is only the first step in counseling (initiating intentionally helpful conversations), but we must be guided by God and good teaching as we tackle interpretation.  Our interpretation will have everything to do with our conceptual framework of human nature and motivation.  And only once desires are correctly interpreted can one move towards transformation, reconciliation, and healing.

As I counsel, disciple, and perhaps parent I seek to invite people to an inner transformation of mind, heart, motive, will, identity, and emotions.  Without a clear goal I am left to the dangerous vulnerability of leading younger women towards haphazard and directionless transformation.  Therefore, my conceptual framework is of most importance as I minister to younger women.

A last word from Powlison:

Souls are curred, but they also sicken in new ways.  Souls always need more curring.  In the counseling context, you often witness such ambiguities.  The positive effects of good, true, and beautiful counsel coexist - uneasily, you hope - with the negative effective of counsel that is bad, untrue, and deformed.  

Let us who shepherd and counsel do it well!