Sept 2006, my second month walking with Jesus, I attended Greek LIFE for the first time. I wrote in my notes that night:
I felt an over-whelming power of love for God through the prayers and words at Greek LIFE... I felt on fire with everyone's glowing love for God. I am alive with anticipation of our future meetings, Bible studies, and out-reaches. Thank you Lord for helping me find such an amazing group of individuals and for bringing us all together tonight to celebrate our love for you. Your love has pierced my heart, and I pray that you may continue to fill me with faith and love. Amen.October 2006, my third month walking with Jesus, I attended REVERB (now called Cru) for the first time. Reflecting on that night I wrote:
I went to REVERB last night with Allie, Kelly, and Shannon for the first time, it was AMAZING :) A student spoke about finding God during Fall Retreat after a period of confusion and personal anguish. He cried over his need to find God in his life, and it made me want to cry thinking about how much Stephanie, and now Allie, have guided and inspired me to find God in my life. If they hadn't reached out to me I might now have found Christianity at this time in my life. That idea, that the words and encouragement of these two women have made such an amazing difference in my life, inspires me to grow in my faith and share it with others. By the time REVERB ended I felt overwhelmed with passion and excitement. I could feel the love of God, and the joy that His love has brought every person in that room with me. It reminded me all over again how blessed I am to be in a growing relationship with God.November 2006, my forth month walking with Jesus, reflecting on Fuzzie Fellowship (my sorority Bible study) I wrote:
It's really hard for me to listen to these girl's uncertainties and questions and not know how to respond. I can feel my faith burning inside of me but I feel dumbfounded and inadequate to explain God's glory.... It's all making me think two different things. First, that I need to have faith, and remember to put my trust in God. I feel like I'm trying too hard to do things on my own, and I can't do it alone. I can't do it without trusting God to guide me. But, on the other hand, it's making me feel like I'm blind in my faith because I don't question like these girls do... I don't know if I need to ask more questions. If I can't answer someone else's questions then I obviously have some of my own, whether I realize it or not. Lord, please give me strength and show me the ways to find these questions and answers.As I've continued to walk with Jesus I've sought out many of these questions and answers. My mini library is clear proof that I refuse to have blind faith. But have I fled from the childlike faith that Jesus calls us to? As David Powlison says, "Human beings instinctively oscillate between two sinful extremes." Although I tend to 'stick' on the objective, theological side I do sometimes swing towards that subjective, feelings based (blind; "I just want to love Jesus!") side of faith. Children are certainly not snoody scholars, but they are also not blind. They are inquisitive, yet trusting, as they joyfully explore within the protection and guidance of their parents. The Holy Spirit and the Word of God has set me free to live in this third way. This third, childlike way neither denies feelings nor stands on them alone. It is the path of walking with Jesus, knowing Him more intimately, and trusting Him more deeply, all by faith.
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