My Sense of Humor

Reasons to Laugh Out Loud...

Great Christian Pick-up Lines:
I could not help but notice you were exegeting me instead of the text during the sermon.
Your name must be grace, because you are irresistible.
Nice braclet. What would Jesus date? I mean "do"
Can I buy you a non-alcoholic beverage?
Do you believe in Divine appointment?
Now i know why Solomon had 700 wives... Because he never met you.
What?! Friends listen to Amazing Grace in the dark.
Hi, my name's Will...God's Will
What's your name and number so I can add you to my "prayer" list?
You put the "cute" back in persecution!
Hey.. i would work 7 years for your sister.. But I would work 7 more years for you.
How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?
How would you like to join my Purpose Driven Life?
I'm interested in full time ministry, and not only that... I also play the guitar.
So, my parents are home, you wanna come over?
You're totally depraved but I'd still like to go out with you...
Mark Driscoll takes up 35% of my ipod memory.
Me. You. Song of Songs: the remix.
I have familiarised myself with all 5 love languages, in fact, I invented 4 of them.

The heretic
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

Church Sign Ideas:
"PRAY NOW! Avoid Christmas Rush!"
"Sign broken, some inside for message."
"This is a ch--ch. What's missing? U R!"
"Wal-Mart's not the only savings place."

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.’ Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A Presbyterian Pastor responded, “None. If God wants the bulb screwed in he is sovereign and will do it himself without human effort.”
A Charismatic Pastor replied, “None. The bulb doesn’t need to be changed. We should pray that it be healed.”
A Pentecostal Pastor said, “None. We simply need to cast out from the bulb the demon of darkness.”
The Fundamentalist Pastor stated, “None. We shouldn’t even enter the room because we need to keep ourselves separate from all darkness.”
A Baptist Pastor responded, “None. If we allow physical contact between a person and the bulb it might lead to dancing.”
The Wesleyan Minister replied, “None. If we just show the bulb its need, it already possesses the power to screw itself in.”
A Non-Denominational Pastor said, “None. We don’t want to make the bulb feel unwanted or uncomfortable.”

Hymns of the Lukewarm church:
"I Surrender Some"
"Take My Life and Let Me Be"
"Where He Leads Me, I will Consider Following"
"Just as I Pretend to Be"
"Above Average is Thy Faithfulness"
"By Thou My Hobby"
"Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow"
"Self-Esteem to the World! The Lord is Come"

A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."