In His hands

God spent two months tearing apart my life plans, breaking my heart for missions, shattering the worldliness in my heart, pushing me to cry out 'I will go ANYWHERE!'... and then he closed the door for me to go. Did God just want me to be available where I'm at? Does He have another course to direct my steps? I'm upset at this inability to go... to do ministry in a place that, two months ago, was a personal hell for me to even consider going to... but now, I'm broken and willing to go.

But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?” Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use? (Romans 9:20-21)

I am a finite human being without the right to rebelliously question God's ways. His knowledge is as far superior to mine as His holiness is to my sinfulness. I am a lump of clay in the hands of a holy holy holy Creator, and He will choose a shape and purpose for me at His own good pleasure. My true joy is found at the center of His shaping, not in my attempts to self-create or mold my own future. "But by the grace of God I am what I am" (1 Corinthians 15:10). Ohh that I might continue to trust more deeply in the beauty of God's sovereignty over my identity and life. I am thankful for the moments that tested and sanctified me this past day... although my heart did feel that it exploded through my throat at moments, I praise God in his infinite love. He is a God worth worshiping. I would freely give my life for His glory, yet it is already His.